A LITTLE LOST

…then again, I’m always lost.

I realise there hadn’t been many moments in my life where I thought I’ve finally found the direction in my life and that I’m going to follow it till the end. Even now, soon to be a quarter of a century old, I’m still trying to find my calling. Does everyone have a calling, by the way? Surely there’re people like me, who walk through life not truly knowing what they were meant to be.

I don’t want to grow up. It seems like fun when I was little. But now, it isn’t fun anymore.

Just now as I was walking home from the train station, I spotted an old man who looked terribly like my father - just alot older. I was suddenly gripped with fear - it wasn’t funny, I tell you. The vision of my father, my parents, being really old scares me. I can’t imagine life without them. I don’t know what to do without them. I don’t think I can live life alone.

Yesterday when I was having breakfast with my dad, I asked if he missed his parents. He said no, he can’t quite remember what it was like with them around. I didn’t believe him. How could he not miss them? I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing my grandma.

Sigh. Why does life have to be like that? It isn’t fair - to give life then take it away. Don’t give me crap about going back to their Maker’s arms. 死了就 一了百了， 哪被留下的人怎么办?

Eeks. I know, emo entry, but thoughts like that keep me grounded and sane at times.

I wish the earth revolves a little slower. Give me a little more time